you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
