i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
