she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize