apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
