tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
