i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
too bad you live with your parents still
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
FUCK WHALES
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
