im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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