i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
