saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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