i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
