If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize