I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
