Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
