I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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