i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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