I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
