And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
