Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
