1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
