You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
