mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
