Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
