If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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