Soap is not a condiment
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
