She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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