tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
