my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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