i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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