the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
