5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
