Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
