im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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