JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish i was in the wii world.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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