I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
