It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
