I have demons in me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
