I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
