Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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