He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
