Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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