wakey wakey hands off snakey
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
