the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
