defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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