Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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