Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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