just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he fucked my hip out of place.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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