I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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