dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
