when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
