sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Found your dick twin last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
