I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
