It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
