I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
