I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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