Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
