so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
