he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
