I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
