hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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