Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
