Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
