This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
