Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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