Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
