New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
