**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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