I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think I just sharted jello shots
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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