i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
