You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
