Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
