She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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