Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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