My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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