you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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