he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
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