i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
