Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
